1/29/08 11:29 pm
my dreams are taking months to comprehend what it is like to move (permanently) from home. I feel like I never should have even returned last summer, that I was so used to tucson, this place, so normal, a new home. I didn't need the confusion. but it happened and now I have all these memories of buried streams, a lake, a dog in her forest, the place I have been in mind for 13 years. I think "everything there is lost," "I can never go back there" but then I remember that I am made of that place, literally enough, that the strange knot under my left ear is made of massachusetts iron, massachussetts oxygen, I care not about the distinction between place and object - I was physically part of massachusetts, just like I was part of connecticut, california, britain, iceland, paris, arizona, their molecules are a part of me, they compose my cells. more than anything I remember how much familiarity of surroundings can make you forget that you in all truth are your only environment, and that everything rests in you.