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Sisimmän Ikuisuuskohinassa

kuiskaus avaruuden syvänmerenunta

1/29/08 11:29 pm

my dreams are taking months to comprehend what it is like to move (permanently) from home. I feel like I never should have even returned last summer, that I was so used to tucson, this place, so normal, a new home. I didn't need the confusion. but it happened and now I have all these memories of buried streams, a lake, a dog in her forest, the place I have been in mind for 13 years. I think "everything there is lost," "I can never go back there" but then I remember that I am made of that place, literally enough, that the strange knot under my left ear is made of massachusetts iron, massachussetts oxygen, I care not about the distinction between place and object - I was physically part of massachusetts, just like I was part of connecticut, california, britain, iceland, paris, arizona, their molecules are a part of me, they compose my cells. more than anything I remember how much familiarity of surroundings can make you forget that you in all truth are your only environment, and that everything rests in you.

10/24/07 02:16 pm - music bloggings!

I have started a blog for posting uploads of music I find awesome and that you should all listen too: http://luminousinsect.blogspot.com/

There'll be a bit of something for everyone there as it progresses, but that doesn't mean there will necessarily be a focus on accessibility. Nevertheless many of you know that my tastes can be very broad and that that very frequently includes accessible music. At least right now I'm in somewhat of a gypsy music/eastern-tinged folk/antiquey-crusty sounding cutup-ambient phase again so that's what it will probably get packed with as it starts up. But no apologies if I post some nightmarish sludge metal. Cause I like that stuff. yep.

9/13/07 02:47 pm - a dream

there are strange shaking noises in the side of my house, I know there is some vague threat and so does my dog. I realize it is an invasion of horror creatures, robots, aliens, demons, etc. so I begin to run around the house, in circles sliding in socks on the floor not knowing what to do...this entertains goldie. the house might be destroyed by a massive ram, the side of the house has turned into an old rotted barn, an old rotted workshop of horrors, falling over at an angle, the house is falling at and angle and making stranger more metallic noises, I walk outside. standing before the doorway to my house, which slowly transforms into an ancient ruined ramshackle heap, is a creature who is like a conical, hooded shroud of curtains. its vague head takes over the top, shaped somewhere between a dinosaur and a shark, and underneath its cloak are a set of ill-defined, transforming organs. the ones that particularly strike me are a set of brains with feet. It utters "it is our liking of space that has banished us." he is banished from entering the gateway, and immediately flies up to the moon, transforming into vague forms. he dissipates into a form beneath the moon, suspended in space.it is a mess of colors and vague animal-plant shapes, at the bottom there is a head of a hammerhead shark, this is the creature's origin, the hammerhead spits out a long thing fish creature that transforms into a shark-like creature whose fins have become wings, and has a long wispy tail. it circles in the sky forever but never arrives.

8/31/07 12:31 pm - A Dream

flickering rainbows in an eclipse-induced night, flickering in and out of sunlight, a wingless but tailed house-boat-plane flies over my house, my father stands half-naked in the doorway as we search for more, the sky is of infinite height like there is an ocean, not hills, nearby, and that the pool of water below has sunk infinitely below, and the flickering, the flickering, the clouds are blocking out the sun in mid-afternoon, or maybe there is an eclipse, it is blacker than any afternoon I have ever seen, there are three maybe four arcs of prismatic light in the sky that reflect the shadows of thick rain clouds, the sun is coming from somewhere, either forward or backward, or maybe there are two suns, later I am immersed in a room with invisible nineteen-fifties women, it is my bedroom of a house rearranged, I am performing music on a flat device that makes the sound of swords of lightning television dust, the sound of crackling speech, connected is a microphone, but no power cable, it is powered by sound itself, there is only one woman impressed, she looks me in the eye, but she has disappeared, the device amplifies the world around me, and as the sounds of crackling light cease it captures the sound of a faint radio chatter beat and the distant rhythm of metallic frogs, somewhere deep in the woods, it is still evening and the clouds have cleared, rainbow like shapes remain in the sky and may return one day.

8/29/07 06:57 pm - to elise, and others

we are all shadows
and we too all fade
but this sordid game apocalypse
is grassy evenings where our stares avert
avert from the sorrow in each other's faces
there is grasping a perfect, unbeautiful object
upon which stares shudder from the shivering falsehood
of endhood, termination

our time is the fading of the cameralight
as it ticks off dying before the woods
in your smoke-filled back yard
our eyes blink like last heart beats

our beginnings are in stern towers
that sink in tidal sands
yet we stare upward
to suited men in the regalia of hope

our beginnings are possessed, too
like endhood.
convulsive, nascent
not knowing.

8/21/07 09:23 pm - cell phone replaced

my cell phone's been replaced by a new one, the reason the old one died was that a cell ruptured in the phone and built up hydrogen gas which miraculously didn't explode and put a smoking hole in my leg. anyways this means I have no numbers! I know a few by heart (specifically, kendra at home, and jeremy because his number is so damn memorable) so feel free to call me or message me in any interweb method which doesn't sell it to billions of spammers (facebook message, email, etc.)

8/19/07 10:30 am - dead cell phone...

My cell phone appears to be entirely frozen on the splash screen, buttons doing nothing. I won't be able to get to a verizon store to try and fix it today, as I'm going on a long road trip with my dad to monument valley, so no reaching me today. If I don't get it repaired by tomorrow I'll give people my house number, albeit I won't be home that much as classes start tomorrow. scratch that, no house phone usage. ever. the long distance costs something like $ 0.45 a minute. so contact via internet. I am temporarily cell phone liberated.

8/1/07 11:53 pm - we are all born in oceans

On the seacoast of Tibet
Egyptian Aztecs are arriving from Norway
They've been vanishing into the woodwork for 44 centuries
Here, all of nature is naked
We saw acrobats bathed in blood
There's a beast of prey on the threshold of pleasure
And the Giantess, Sea Priestess
Beckons the passers-by…

"Do not lose sight of the sea,
Do not lose sight of the sea."

Her wizened mouthpiece glistens with soul fishes
Swirls of spider-crabs crackle like wings burst from the cocoons
All around her jellies are diaphanous

-Coil - The Sea Priestess

Toni Frisell -
Weeki Wachee spring, Florida (1947)

8/1/07 03:55 pm

Gottfried Helnwein -
Fall of the Angels. Installation, Bruges, Belgium 2005
1000 cm x 700 cm
Pigment Print on Vinyl
Soul, Museum of Modern Art - Ostend
Episcopal Seminary, Bruges
photo: glenn vervliet

7/31/07 08:42 pm - everything keeps dissolving...

all nature is an echo
and my body is a leopard

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